1. First, relax
You may have experienced challenging relationships in the past that left you with unresolved trauma, or maybe you have an insecure attachment style, or perhaps you’ve never been in a relationship at all. Regardless of your situation, the first step is to relax. It’s important to approach this decision from a place of peace and clarity rather than a sense of urgency.
A sense of urgency can cloud your judgment, leading you to make impulsive decisions that you might regret later. Remember, the best relationships develop organically. When you’re frantic or overly focused on finding someone, it becomes harder to make thoughtful, balanced choices. Relationships require both emotional and logical considerations, and a calm mindset is essential for fostering meaningful connections.
Take a moment to pause, step back, and ground yourself before moving forward.
2. Know What You Want
Now that you’re calm and relaxed, take a moment to think about who you are and what you truly want in a partner who fits well with that. This is a great time to grab a pen and journal and reflect on these three key questions about yourself and what you’re looking for in a relationship:
- Values: What is most important to you in life? (e.g., honesty, ambition, kindness)
- Lifestyle: How do you envision your ideal life? (e.g., travel, family, career focus)
- Personality: What traits do you find attractive and compatible? (e.g., sense of humor, intelligence, emotional intelligence.
In answering these questions, be as specific and elaborate as possible. In this New Year, you want to position yourself to attract someone who shares your values, faith, and beliefs, appreciates your hobbies, and has a similar sense of humor.
3. Set a SMART goal.
If you’re wondering, the answer is yes! You can absolutely set a SMART goal to find your person.
As we mentioned earlier, just like building wealth, finding the right partner shouldn’t be left entirely to chance. It requires effort, intention, and a clear plan.
So, keep your journal and pen handy—you’re going to need them.
Setting a SMART Goal to Find Your Person
SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals. Here’s a break down to create a practical goal for finding your ideal partner:
- Specific
Clearly define what your goal is
E.g.: “I want to meet someone who shares my values, beliefs, and sense of humor, and is interested in a long-term relationship.
- Measurable
Determine how you’ll track your progress.
E.g.: “I will initiate or engage in conversations with at least 3 new people each week through social settings, apps, or community events.”
- Attainable
Make it a realistic goal based on your circumstances and resources.
E.g.: “I will dedicate 2–3 hours each week to relationship-building activities, such as attending events, trying a dating app, or joining a new hobby group.”
- Relevant
Make sure the goal aligns with your values and life priorities.
E.g.: “Building a meaningful relationship is important to me because I value connection, partnership, and building a future with someone who shares my beliefs and aspirations.”
- Timebound
Set a timeline to create urgency and keep yourself accountable.
E.g.: “By May 2025, I will be in a committed relationship with someone who aligns with my values and vision for the future.”
Here’s a full-sentence example of a SMART goal for finding your partner:
“By May 2025, I will be in a committed relationship with someone who shares my values, beliefs, and sense of humor. To achieve this, I will dedicate 2–3 hours weekly to relationship-building activities, engage with 3 new people each week, and participate in at least one new social or community event every month.”
4. Go to where the people are
Now that you’ve taken the time to grow in self-awareness and figure out what you want, the next step is to put yourself in the right places and become the kind of person your ideal partner would be drawn to. If this person is truly your person, they’ll naturally be just as attracted to you as you are to them. So, go where they’re likely to be!
Where do people meet their person?
Most people meet their significant other online, through friends, or in social or community settings.
For example, research shows that 32% of couples meet through friends or family, 18% at work, 17% at school, 12% online, and 8% at social settings like bars or restaurants. Other meeting places, such as places of worship, account for smaller percentages (5%).
Online dating is one of the most effective ways to meet someone today, thanks to algorithms that match you with people who share your interests and values. Some of the strongest relationships have started on dating apps, so don’t hesitate to give them a try.
Another great option? Let your friends know you’re open to meeting someone. Your friends know you well—your quirks, your values, your personality—and they might have a good idea of who could be a great fit for you. Don’t underestimate the power of a well-placed introduction!
5. Be Accountable
Just like any other goal in life, you’ll need the right people around you to support and encourage you along the way without judgment or pressure. You need people who will check in on your progress, cheer you on when you’re feeling discouraged, and gently steer you away from unhealthy relationships.
These should be wise, trustworthy friends or mentors who can offer sound advice and help you stay grounded. With their guidance, you’ll be better equipped to navigate this journey with confidence.
Navigating relationships can be tricky. Often, when you’re looking for a new relationship, you might still be healing from a past one or need help gaining the self-awareness to understand who you are and what kind of partner truly compliments you. This is where expert guidance can make all the difference.
Attract Your Person in 2025
We understand that finding your person is a deeply personal journey, and it begins with clarity, intention, and support. At Holistic Psychological Services, Inc., we will walk alongside you every step of the way. We’ll provide you with the tools to heal from past relationships, gain self-awareness, and identify the healthy patterns that lead to meaningful, lasting connections.
Let’s take this journey together. Book your consultation today, and we’ll help you set the foundation for a fulfilling and love-filled 2025.
Disclaimer: The content provided in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing mental health challenges, please seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional. For immediate support, call 988 for 24/7 confidential assistance.